Becoming a parent is easy for most people, in fact often times it happens by accident. Although learning to be a parent is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. There are so many things you want for your kids, you want to be everything for them, take every struggle every heartache and every discomfort fro them. You never want to see them struggle or hurt. You want to do everything to make their life better. Unfortunately you can’t. You have to give them room to fail and room to hurt, living their own lives with their own consequences.
Learning how to let them fail on their own is so hard. To stand by as they make the wrong decision is something that most parents cannot do. A lot of parents cannot even fathom not coming to their child’s rescue at every turn and every corner. Nonetheless in order to let them grow as people and learn about responsibility we mus let them make their own decisions even if they are the wrong decisions. Most parents learn this by the time their kids become young adults. One thing that I think is important is to prepare them for this as early as possible.
My kids are now 7,5, and 6 months, and with my older children I have been practicing letting things go . It is so so hard. When I see them climbing a tree or wrestling with each other it is extremely hard not to stop in. I have been practicing stepping back and letting them deal with the consequences of their own decision which means letting them hit their head on the corner of the couch, letting them stub their tow and showing sympathy but not fixing it for them. Simply saying I am sorry you got hurt that’s really sad for you, and nothing else is the hardest. You have to be able to show that you care and love them but that you are not their drill Sargent telling them what to do , but instead their consultant there when they ask. Helping make decisions when they realize they can’t do it on their own.
Through all this I have learned that I must be able to let them change me. Let my kids teach me how to be the best parent for them. I became a mom at 18 and was so obviously in love with my kiddo that I babied her and created bad habits for her and I regretted it when 18 months later I gave birth the second time too her little brother. I thought she was such a good kid until I couldn’t focus on her all the time anymore. From then on I knew I was not a good parent none of the parents I knew where equipped to be the parents that were raising people and showing how adults act in the world.
As I go through this journey I hope to raise my children o be strong independent adults with opinions knowing how to make their own choices and hopefully learning from their mistakes.