Here It Comes!!

Fall is coming soon! My favorite time of year. Pumpkins and orange leaves. Sweaters and runny noses!! I am so excited to be out with my kiddos and have a great time playing in leaves and hiking in canyons!

Sadly I have started working full time and I don’t know though how much I would be able to do with my kiddos! I have finally healed enough from the trauma’s caused by other people that I have been able to be happy being around others and trusting them not to hurt me. I have stopped taking my pills though. That has proved dangerous. My mood swings are a little more prominent. My nightmares have came back ten fold and are really quite petrifying. I am some times unable to sleep. My life feels kinda out of whack lately. I do not want to continue taking my medicine until The baby is here.

We found out two weeks ago we are having a baby boy in February. We are happy to welcome him into the world within the next few months. I am sorry I have been so all over. I know it’s not making for a good read but I am hoping that it will help gt some things out of my brain and help me to function better.

I am concerned for my children when they are at there bio dads house. With all of my nightmares and flashbacks returning my fears and anxieties are showing themselves. I am afraid they are going to be hurt and I am really scared that they already have. I pray constantly for guidance and I feel this is the only thing that has kept me sane. I am so thankful that the gospel is on the earth today for my well being and sanity.

I wish that I could tell everybody about the abuse without anybody have any repercussions or anything happening to my family, or their own families. I don’t know what is happening to me. I feel crazy insane. So happy one minute and so confused lost and misunderstood at the same time.

 

I will leave my thoughts here for now to try to clear my mind.

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