A New Diagnosis

So, if you’ve been reading my blog, thank you so much for letting me share with you. If you haven’ t been reading, welcome. I have had a large amount of mental health issues in my life.  I started seeing therapists when I was 10 years old. On the outside I was explosive, closed off, manic, depressed, and suicidal. This went on for about 2 more years until I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. They started me on medication that I took consistently for about four months. During these four months Every night I would have hyper realistic dreams that would be present physically in the form of bruises, or extreme pain. For example, while dreaming I would be running away from some one or something and fall, when I would wake up I would have bruises on my knees and my hands would burn painfully. It scared me so badly I couldn’t continue taking any medication. I continued to feel more and more depressed, suicidal, the emotional outbursts didn’t stop. Slowly I became worse. Recently it’s gotten to the point where I’ve never hoped for it to change. I never thought that I would be able to think normally. Never be able to go through a day  without feeling so different.

Luckily, I have the most supportive husband in the world. He has stood behind me through all of the painful emotions and loss. He is constantly picking me up even when I’m putting him down. He helped me be brave enough to get re-diagnosed. With extreme anxiety heavy heart, shortness of breathe, and fidgety fingers, I saw a psychologist. After about 20 minutes he stopped my continues rambling to ask me one question “What trauma did you experience when you were younger?” This was so so surprising to me. I hadn’t hinted at anything sort of trauma or abuse I had strictly stuck to my symptoms. He didn’t ask did you experience trauma he knew almost 20 minutes into meeting me and discussing my symptoms I was a surviving victim. Who was not suffering from bipolar disorder, nonetheless he told me I he wanted to go over some symptoms with me and tell him weather or not I identified with them. I was told at the end of my appointment he was certain he had the answer.

I am Larisa and I have PTSD.

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